I'm Still Here
by lovely-lostmind
Summary: ABC's Once Upon a Time has shown us how Killian Jones became a pirate and later how he became Captain Hook, yet we don't know how his father left him. How he had to grow up with Liam and how he got into the navy. Well this is the story, or shall I say, the prologue, to Captain Hook's life on OUAT. The book is based off of John Rzeznik's song I'm Still Here.


**_So I had watched Treasure Planet and I just felt the need to write something about Captain Hook, before the Hook and piracy, when he was just Killian. It turned into me wanting to explore his journey into becoming Hook, his life as a child, naval officer and then pirate._**

**_disclaimer: I don't own anything from OUAT. _**

* * *

><p><strong><em>I am a question to the world. Not an answer to be heard, Or a moment that's held in your arms.<em>**

* * *

><p>Pots and pans clattered against the wood flooring of their house, waking Liam with a start. The bedroom oil lamp was casting a soft glow on the walls, meaning it wasn't even far into the night. He lazily rubbed his eyes and swung his feet over the side of the bed, letting them cringe as they touched the cold floor.<p>

"Liam?" A sleep riddled voice whimpered from the other side of the small room. He shuffled over to the adjacent bed and sat at the edge, stroking his brother's black hair gently.

"Go back to bed Killy," he whispered to the little boy, "All is well, go back to bed."

The little boy blinked bright blue eyes at Liam before letting them flutter close, and drawled out a nod.

Liam sat at his brother's side, stroking his hair and waiting for him to fall asleep. Though it proved to be harder than expected because every time a glass shattered, or a pan clattered, Killian would flinch and move closer to Liam who never moved from his little brother's side, listening to the indistinct shouting from down stairs.

Liam watched as Killian's chest slowed to a gentle rise and fall, then slowly slipped away from the young boy towards their door. He softly nudged it open without a creak and noiselessly walked along the wall to the stairs, where he quietly and quickly dropping to his knees, hiding behind the thick wood railing. Fear bubbled in his little heart and rose into his throat at the scene before him.

His mother was standing next to the wooden dinning table, a nearby oil lamp shone on her face revealing her blue eyes swirling with anger and tears, with her curly hair, brown as chocolate, draped around her face, making her look much more pale than she already was. There were glass cups and bowls shattered at the feet of his mother and father, while pans were in various places across the room.

"It's not safe for the boys, Edward!" His mother shouted, slamming her hand into the table.

"Juliet, this is about more than just the boys isn't it," His father said, his tone eerily still and calm, "You're afraid I'm going to leave. Aren't you?"

"By-the-gods, Edward! I know you're going to leave!" Juliet barked, moving a stray strand of black hair from her face, and started speaking again, her voice desperate this time, "Your _friends_, are going to steal you away! I'm sure of it."

"And what makes you so sure about that?" Edward asked, casually rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was leaning against the wall parallel to Juliet, his height casting a shadow comparable of that to a giant in Liam's eyes. He had his favorite pipe drooping from his lip with his arms crossed and a glaze over his wood brown eyes as he stared at Juliet. A knot formed in Liam's chest at his father's coldness.

"Because, Edward, they're _pirates!_" She shouted, frustration now taking over the place of desperation.

"What the bloody hell has that got to do with anything?" Edward growled, making shiver go down Liam's spine.

"It's of importance because you have sons," Juliet hissed, "You have sons who need you more than me."

"Where are you getting this foolish thoughts of me abandoning my family-"

"From you!" Juliet barked, interrupting him, "I overheard you conspiring with Benjamin about a Spanish ship and the loot you guys could leave with."

"And yet-"

"And you were set to leave tomorrow morning, before the sun rose," Juliet said lowly, "It's true, isn't it." A lump formed in Liam's throat, and he tightened his grip around the railing, anger swelled inside of him at the thought of his father leaving without a proper goodbye.

Edward stared blankly at his wife, the same look a thief has when caught off guard, before regaining his cool composure, "I was only going to go see them off."

Juliet scoffed and walked over the base of the stairs, avoiding the shattered glass and picked up a cloth sack that was filled with her clothing and affects. Liam had the urge to run down and stop them, but he couldn't build up the gall to do so, so he stayed in hiding. Confused and scared.

"Juliet," Edward said, worry inching it's way into his words as he took his pipe out of his mouth and stepped to his wife, "What are you doing?"

Juliet slung the sack over her shoulders and started towards the door, "As I said before, the boys need you more than they need me."

"Juliet, wait," He said, stepping forward.

"Mum," Liam whispered words that were lost in the air.

"Are you really going to leave your sons? Liam's nine and Killian is barely five-"

"Yes. Unless you can promise me you'll never leave the boys while I'm here, I'm leaving," Juliet said, weary washing over her, a sight that cut Liam to the core. He wanted to go tell his mother to stay, to tell her they needed her, but he couldn't, he wasn't even suppose to be awake and he didn't want to get into trouble.

Edward stared at Juliet, but he made no indication of any feeling. Juliet sighed, raising her hand to her husband's face, "I'll always love you, Edward Jones."

Edward turned away with a coldness that even young Liam felt from atop the stairs.

"That's not my name," He said turning away and going to his seat next to the fire, "Not anymore."

"I know,_ Mister Thatch_," Juliet said, sarcasm dripping from her words, "But it's the name of you wife and sons. It's a name you should be proud of."

"Just leave me be," He growled, raising his pipe back up to his mouth, "Before the boys wake up."

Before Liam could process what was happening, the door had closed and his mother's glow went with her, leaving the house feeling empty while he heard the soft pitter patter of small feet behind him.

"Liam? What's happening?" the little bright blue eyed boy asked, but Liam quickly shushed him.

"Liam, why are you weeping?" the boy whispered and this time Liam raised his hand to his face and gently touched his cheek only to feel a streak of tears.

"Killian, just- don't worry, let us go back to bed," Liam said, being careful to stand up quietly and nudge his little brother towards their room.

"Why did mum leave? Did the eggs expire?" Killian asked quizzically, the dark hall heightened the brightness of his eyes, "Did she go visit farmer Daniel for more eggs?"

Liam shook his head and wiped his cheek, "No, Killy, she's not coming back."

"But why?" Killian asked, his brows furrowing in confusion, "Surely she has to come back."

"No Killian, she doesn't. She-" Liam paused, not wanting to ruin his little brother's image of their mother, "She left to give us our best chance."

"Oh," his little brother murmured as they entered their room, melancholy following them the entire way. Liam was leading his brother to his bed when Killian stopped and turned.

"Liam, can I sleep with you?" Killian asked, looking up at his big brother with his bright eyes that had a blue swirling storm of confusion, fear and hurt.

On the usual, Liam would have rejected the boy, but tonight, he didn't want to sleep alone either.

"Come then," Liam says gently, motioning to his bed and they both climb in.

Within minutes Killian is asleep, clutching at his brother's arm as if he was going to leave in the dead of the night while Liam wished for sleep to come easily. Instead was tortured with long hours and he didn't get to close his eyes till the very first ray of sunshine.

It was the first night without his mother frequently checking on them, and the first morning they awoke without her warm embrace. It was the first night and not the last.

* * *

><p>"Killian! Liam! Get your scurvy arses out of bed," Their father shouted from the kitchen area.<p>

"Killian, get up!" Liam hissed, tossing his boot at the sleeping boy across the room who only moaned and turned on his other side. Liam had awoken an hour before and was already dressed, mind you the boot he threw at Killian.

"Killian," Liam said, walking over to his brother and shaking him, "Killian wake up. Father has a surprise for you."

Killian shot up in bed, and turned to Liam, excitement written all over the young boy's face, but slowly diminished, "That's not funny Liam, my birthday is _tomorrow_."

"Aye, but it got you up didn't it," Liam said with a smirk as he sat on the edge of Killian's bed and put his remaining boot on.

Killian shook his head but got out of bed, and quickly slipped into his brown trousers, light blue poets shirt and leather boots he had laid out the night before, the same articles of clothing that Liam was wearing.

"What do you think father has planned for today?" Killian asked as they walked out of their room and trotted down the wood stairs.

Liam still winced every time he passed his hiding spot from three years ago. It's burned in the back of his mind, some nights he'd have nightmares about it, others he just silently cried wishing it were _just_ a nightmare. Killian on the other hand had taken it much more roughly, it affected him to a cellular level, so much so, that it was as if to cope with the loss, his mind erased all memory of their mother. It didn't help that their father never spoke of her and has shunned Liam on multiple occasion for trying to bring the subject up.

"Liam," Killian repeated, bringing Liam out of his thoughts.

"Um, I'm not sure. Perhaps, he'll take us to see a play," Liam said absentmindedly as they got to the bottom of the stairs to see their father on the on the lounge chair in front of the empty fireplace.

"Father," the boys said simultaneously, standing with their hands behind their back and up straight.

Edward took a while to get out of his seat and turned to look at the boys, giving them a once over to make sure their attire was proper, "Boys, I have some business that needs tending to. I've spoken to John the Blacksmith and he's agreed to let you boys assist him for the day."

Liam felt his heart drop while Killian was shaking of excitement in his boots. Liam was really looking forward to spend much needed time with his father, but of the late, the time has disappeared before his eyes as his father was never home any more.

"Killian, tomorrow for ya birthday, I'll take you aboard a ship with me," Edward said, and Liam was able to see a glimpse of emotion in the man's eyes. The first in three years, but Liam wasn't sure what it was.

"Really father!" Killian said, and Liam was sure his little brother was going to combust of excitement.

Edward nodded, "But feel free to sleep in, the captain I spoke to won't let us on till noon."

Killian nodded so eagerly that Liam thought if he nodded any faster his head would come clean off. When Killian finally calmed down, their father stared at them for few moments and the boys stood expectantly, waiting for their father to dismiss them.

"That is all," Edward said waving them dismissively as he went to grab his dress coat while Killian ran past him to the door but stopped just before leaving.

"I love you father, I'll see before sunset," and with that the bright eyed ball of excitement was out the door and across the street at the Smith's workshop.

"Liam," Edward said, his voice low, stopping the boy in his tracks, "I need you to promise me something."

Liam glanced at Killian, who was across the street putting his head inside a barrel, before looking up at his father, waiting for him to speak.

Edward spoke lowly again, "I need you to promise me to always look out for your brother. And no matter what happens, never abandon him. Ever."

Liam searches his father's eyes, alarms were blaring in his head. He knew there was something wrong, he felt it in the marrow of his bones. It was unusual for his father to promise anything to them, especially something so special as taking Killian out to the ships, and now he was making Liam promise him something. This sudden change in his father worried Liam's heart of only 12 years.

Nevertheless, Liam looked his father in the eyes and saw that there was _some_ concern but not enough for Liam to call loving concern, "I'll _never_ abandon Killian… Like mum and you."

Darkness flushed Edwards face as he lifted his hand with quick intent, but he held it there staring his son down who did not even flinch, "Learn to hold your tongue, _boy._"

"Why should I deny the truth," Liam hissed, not a single cell in his body was in fear as he turned and proceeded to leave but his father gripped his arm tightly, making Liam yelp in pain.

"Because your words can get you into more trouble than you realize," his father hissed, and Liam could see how dangerous he actually was. Yet it didn't stop him from glaring defiantly while yanking his arm out of his grip and running after Killian.

"Liam, took you long enough," Killian said happily as his brother came into the blacksmith's workshop.

"Sorry Killian," Liam apologized, but now his heart was heavy. His father didn't deny his accusation.

"Good morn' Liam," John said, ruffling up the boys hair, "I was _requesting _Killian to clean my tools."

John gave Killian a look which resulted in the boy's cheeks to go flush and to turn back to a table in which tools were splayed out. John turned back to Liam and motioned to a pile of coal, "Do you remember how to crush those?" He paused and when Liam nodded he continued, "Would you be kind enough to do that for me?"

"Yes sir," Liam said and dutifully walked over to his station, every so often stealing glances at his brother to see Killian glancing out the window at the sea. His heart broke for his little brother. He was so young and naive. Not that Liam wasn't young, but he had to grow up faster than most 12 year olds and did not want to same fate to become Killian.

They went on like that the whole day, Liam working diligently while watching to make sure Killian didn't hurt himself trying to clean the tools and the forge. Killian kept asking Liam what the ship would be like and what they would see. Liam humored his brother, answering him, but kept silent about their father, not because he wanted to keep it to himself, but he wasn't sure if his father was truly going to leave both of them behind. No one could be _that_ heartless. Can they?

* * *

><p>"Your help is much appreciated boys," John said patting the two boys on the back as they cleaned off the grime on their face.<p>

"It was a pleasure Mister John!" Killian chirped, his eyes ever so bright with genuine joy (Liam didn't know how he could remain so bright and optimistic, but whatever the reason he hoped the fire never flickered out).

"Always," Liam added with a faint smile and nod.

"If you two ever want to keep busy, you can always come here," John smiled down at the boys, then looked up out the window, "You lads best be gettin' home, it's nearly sunset."

"Thank you sir," both boys said as they headed out the door towards their house.

"Liam, its almost night!" Killian said, the most ecstatic Liam had ever seen the boy.

"I know Killy," Liam said then lightly nudged his brother in the shoulder, with a small smile,"I've got eyes too."

Killian pushed his brother back but once they got inside the house, Liam's dread only grew as their father wasn't there to receive them like other nights.

"Where's father?" Killian asked, as they looked around the dark house. There was no oil burning nor a window open, making the house seem even more haunting.

"I'm sure his work proceeded longer than expected," Liam falsely reassured his little brother as they walked together to the stairs.

"I'll race you to the room?" Liam said, quickly (and gladly) changing the subject.

"I'm not sure you'll be able to-" Killian said with a smile, but took off up the stairs.

"Hey! No fair! Cheater!" Liam called out with a laugh. his brother was only a giggling mess.

Once inside the security of their room, the boys changed out of their clothing and into their night attire. While Liam was getting comfortable in his bed, he glanced up and saw Killian sitting at the base of their window that over looked the harbor.

"Do you ever wonder what their life is like?" Killian asked with awe in his voice.

"To be honest, no," Liam said, his eyes never drifting from his little brother. Killian is quiet, staring out at the moonlight ocean with it's ships all along the docks and the men still bustling about.

"I do," Killian said, turning to Liam, "Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the adventures I would go on."

Liam chuckled, he always loved how no matter the circumstances, his baby brother managed to dream, but his laughter faded when Killian spoke again.

"Liam, why don't you smile like you used to?" Killian asked seriously, turning away from the window to face his brother. Silence crept into the room like a familiar stranger, but Liam was at a loss for words. The truth hurt to much to admit, so instead-

"Because if I smile, then what are you going to do?" Liam quipped lamely.

Killian laughed a bit, "I don't smile that much!"

"Killian, get some sleep," Liam chuckled, tossing one of his pillows at Killian, but he managed to catch it and instead put it under his chin as he looked out the window.

"I will in a bit," Killian mumbled, Liam watched him for a few moments, but the exhaustion from the days work won out and soon his eyelids were closing.

Killian on the other hand stayed planted at the window, watching his breath fog up against the window. He timed his breathes so that they were in sync with the waves crashing just outside, inhaling when it receded and exhaling when it crashed against the ships. He was only a boy but he knew the sea was calling his name. He loved the sea, there was no doubt about it and tomorrow he was finally going to go aboard a ship.

The high of excitement started to wear off from the boy and soon his head was leaning against the window pane and his breathing slowed as his eyes closed and he dreamed of sailing to far off lands once again.

* * *

><p>"Liam! Liam!" Killian shouted as he woke up with start, pushing himself off the window. His hair was pointed in all ways and his blue eyes, bright with excitement, searched the dark room, but his older brother was no where to be found. He immediately knew something was wrong. Every year on his birthday, Liam would always wake him up with a box to the ear for every year he's lived. He looked back out the window searching but the faint light of dawn was making it difficult. Yet no lack of light could make Killian mistake his father's signature beard and coat, walking onto a ship. <em>Without him.<em>

Killian's stomach dropped, while his heart tightened to an impossible degree, every emotion swirling around in his head. He couldn't control himself and before he knew it, he threw open the door and was bolting down stairs. His father had _promised_ him he was going to take him aboard a ship.

As he ran down the stairs, Killian heard, more than saw, his brother repeatedly stabbing their wooden table in anger, but Killian ignored him and made straight for the door.

"Killian! Wait! Stop!" Liam yelled after him in vain, standing to chase after him.

But Killian didn't stop. He ran and ran and ran until his little feet could go no faster. His heart was beating at an ungodly rate while tears started to sting at the back of his eyes.

Father _promised_ he was going to take him on a ship.

"Father! Father!" Killian screamed, pain all too evident in his voice. He ran and ran, but as the boy gained ground, the distance between him and his father multiplied

He _promised_ him.

"Father! No! Father!" Killian howled, the tears were now blurring his vision, causing him to slip on a rope that had been left out. He fell with a tumble and groan, scraping his elbow and knees. That rope decided Killian's fate, as it slowed him down and the poor boy lost much needed ground but he still persisted, quickly getting up and ignoring the splinters and blood that trickled down his small knees and legs.

"NO!" He cried out as he got to the edge of the pier reaching out in vein for the boat, but it was too late. His father was aboard the ship getting farther and farther, while Killian watched him sail away from him. Abandoning him just like his mother.

"You _promised_," Killian whimpered into the air, tears streaming down his cheeks as he fell down onto his bloodied knees facing the ocean and the ship that got ever so farther away.

"Killian!" A breathless Liam heaved, finally caught up with Killian and wrapped his arms around the mess of a boy who just buried his face in his brother's chest.

"He promised, Liam," Killian whimpered against Liam's chest as he gripped onto him like a life line, "He _promised._"

The air was silent, the only sounds were that of the ocean breaking against the harbor and Liam whispering comforting words to his torn brother. They sat there watching as the ship got closer and closer to the horizon.

Liam didn't dare cry, he had to be strong for his brother. Had to let him know that everything is going to be okay. That against all odds, they were going to be okay.

He pressed his lips against his baby brothers forehead, and held onto him tightly.

He dimly noticed that Killian had stopped crying all together, no sniffling, no whimpering...nothing.

He looked down and saw that Killian was holding onto him but his head was turned to the ocean. The sun was slowly coming up, painting an array of beautiful citrus colors across the ocean. For a moment, time felt still. The ocean was still. No one was out. Liam truly felt that they were alone. Alone in this world, with only each other.

"Killian," Liam whispered, holding him out at an arms distance, and what he saw nearly made him sob and his heart break in two. Killian's eyes where no longer as bright as they were yesterday and the days before. Liam could swear that Killian's eyes had become a shade darker, like someone had put a lamp shade over them, dimming them to a notable amount.

"Killian," Liam repeated, his voice dripping with sorrow, "I promise, I will _never_, _ever_ leave you."

Killian just stared at him blankly, his face void of even the slightest emotion, save for his eyes. It was in those baby blues that Liam saw, for the first time (and not the last), what a lost, broken boy looked like, and it pained him to the core.

"It's just us against the world, now."

* * *

><p>an: This is just the beginning of Liam and Killian's adventures...


End file.
